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...I sit here now trying to mend my broken heart...
...When I put myself out there to meet someone I didn’t expect to meet...
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I always thought our love would last from the very start.
Who would have known, I sit here now trying to mend my broken heart.
I never thought that I would file, and feel the way I do,
I feel crushed and pushed too.
I fell right off the edge
Can't you see what it's about?
I begged and pleaded for you to understand
Now it's too late
I'm backed up in a wedge.
All's I ever wanted was to feel safe and secure
I didn't want all the financial burdens
I wanted to feel sure.
Feel sure that I was worth it to you and your love was so undying,
That you could see my pain, and that I could oh stop trying.
Stop trying to get you to understand
Instead I got the same response,"Here we go again!"
When you said that to me, I knew I had to bring it to an end.
I was losing my identity, I was losing my best friend
I feel that your accusations didn't either help at all,
They only took me further away, eventually I built a wall.
It's hard to let go, but I know it's best for me.
I'm sorry that I hurt you
It never was intended.
You just refused to listen
I was hurting, why didn't you see?
You’re the father of my children, and I will always love you
But to carry on like we did would be suicide of my mind
It's what I have to do.
--K.R.
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Nothing Gold Can Stay
Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower,
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf,
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.
Robert Frost (1874- 1963)
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I am very sorry that I have not called or gotten back to your emails. I have been burdened with my divorce. When I put myself out there to meet someone I didn’t expect to meet you & to meet you so soon. Now that my wife is contesting the divorce it is way too stressful for me to handle the new relationship with you and the old life that I wanted to have put behind me so that I can get on with my life. I am very sorry if I hurt you. This was not my intention at all. You are a wonderful woman and I think that I was lucky to have even dated you at all. You see I am too much of a coward. Even though I am a big strong Marine that has a prestigious job I am a coward when it comes to relationships. I was starting to really like you and it was too much for me to handle. I think that if I was more of a man and an honest man at that we would have had a happy life together. I lied to you and I lied to myself. For this I am very sorry. I want you to start dating and I want you to have a happy life with a man that will treat you well like you deserve to be treated. Maybe if after my divorce is final I may try to contact you. Just remember that if I don’t it is because I am too scared to handle the truth and I am afraid that you will reject me and never trust me again since I treated you so poorly in the end. Again, I am sorry that this even happened. I was not ready and I thought I was. I should have taken care of my business first before I put myself out there. I also took advantage of your situation in not being in a physical relationship for so long. I couldn’t help myself because you were so sexy to me and I wanted you. Please forgive me.
N.
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upon reflection,
the unfolding
procrastination and
misjudgments
not prepared
you have circumstances
decision making.
He said he would;
it was ridiculous now in hindsight.
anon.
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It took me seven years to get over you. Seeing you everyday was both heaven and hell. These lyrics make me miserable and swoon all over again: "It was just one of those crazy things, a trip to the moon on gossamer wings, just one of those things." "Was it an earthquake, or merely a shock?" "Night and day, you were the one." "I lost you to the summer wind."
It was just so great while it lasted. Just too short. The end too sudden. And then seven years seeing you everyday.
I guess now I believe that it was "better to have loved and lost...then never to have" experienced being with you at all.
B.
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